My daily morning ritual: Coffee, existential dread, and password reset emails.
The Daily Struggles of a Serial Password Forgetter
Being a serial password forgetter isn’t just a quirk—it’s a lifestyle. One that involves a lot of sighing, face-palming, and explaining to IT support that yes, you’ve forgotten your password again, and no, you didn’t write it down anywhere useful.
My “system” for remembering passwords. Spoiler: It doesn’t work.
The 17th ‘Forgot Password?’ Click of the Day
There’s a special kind of shame that comes with clicking “Forgot Password?” for the third time in a single day. The websites know. They’re judging you. I swear the reset button gets bigger each time, mocking my inability to remember a simple string of characters.
The most clicked button in my browser history.
When ‘Password123’ Feels Too Risky
Remember when “Password123” was considered secure? Those were simpler times. Now we need uppercase letters, lowercase letters, numbers, symbols, hieroglyphics, and possibly a blood sacrifice just to check our email. And heaven forbid you use the same password twice—that’s practically inviting hackers to your digital tea party.
Password requirements in 2023: Must include uppercase, lowercase, numbers, symbols, and the secret ingredient from your grandmother’s cookie recipe.
The Shame of Explaining to IT Again
There’s a special circle in awkward conversation hell reserved for explaining to IT support that you need another password reset. I’ve developed a rotation of excuses, but I can hear the sighs through the phone. I’m pretty sure my name has a special flag in their system: “Serial Password Forgetter—Approach With Patience.”
The IT department knows me by name, voice, and preferred excuse.
Top 5 Excuses of a Serial Password Forgetter
We serial password forgetters are nothing if not creative. Over years of password amnesia, I’ve developed an arsenal of excuses that range from “technically possible” to “absolutely ridiculous.” Here are my top five:
The face I make when delivering my carefully crafted excuses.
- “My cat sat on the keyboard… for 3 weeks?” – Because blaming innocent pets for human errors is timeless. Bonus points if you don’t actually own a cat.
- “I was sure ‘ILoveCoffeeMoreThanLife’ was timeless!” – Apparently, my passionate relationship with caffeine wasn’t memorable enough for my brain cells.
- “Mercury is in retrograde, and it’s affecting my password memory.” – Astronomical events are clearly responsible for my inability to remember if I used a “3” or an “E”.
- “The system must have changed my password automatically.” – A classic deflection technique. It’s not me, it’s the technology!
- “I remember it perfectly, but my fingers are typing it wrong.” – Because sometimes you need to blame your own digits for your brain’s shortcomings.
The alleged culprit behind 60% of my password resets.
Password Hall of Shame: A collection of my most regrettable password choices that I somehow still managed to forget:
- “cantFORGETthisONE123!” (Narrator: They did, in fact, forget this one)
- “NewPasswordJan2023” (Forgotten by February)
- “DefinitelyNotPassword” (Too clever for my own good)
- “LastTimeIPromise2023” (It was not the last time)
The Serial Password Forgetter’s Survival Guide
After years of password purgatory, I’ve developed some coping mechanisms that might help fellow members of the chronically locked-out club. These aren’t your standard security tips—they’re survival strategies from someone who’s been in the trenches.
The essential survival kit for the chronically password-challenged.
How to Bond with Customer Support Reps
When you call support as often as I do, it pays to be memorable (in a good way). Learn their names, ask about their day, maybe send cookies to the IT department during the holidays. Stockholm syndrome works both ways—eventually, they’ll start rooting for you.
Bribery works. I bring cookies every third password reset.
Why Sticky Notes Are the Real MVP
Yes, security experts will have a collective aneurysm over this tip, but sticky notes have saved my digital life more times than I can count. The trick is to make them look like grocery lists or inspirational quotes. “Eggs, Milk, P@ssw0rd123” just looks like a shopping list with a weird brand preference.
Security experts hate this one weird trick!
The “Reset All Passwords” Day
Once a year, I declare a personal holiday: Reset All Passwords Day. I brew a pot of coffee, put on my comfiest clothes, and spend a full day cycling through every account I own. It’s like spring cleaning, but for my digital life. Is it fun? Absolutely not. Is it necessary? For serial password forgetters like me, it’s essential maintenance.
My annual tradition: coffee, despair, and a marathon of security questions I can’t remember the answers to.
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. The definition of being a serial password forgetter is creating a new ‘unforgettable’ password system every month and promptly forgetting it.”
The Reluctant Conversion to Password Managers
Look, I’m not saying apps are the answer… but my plants are slightly less dead now. After years of resistance, I finally broke down and tried a password manager. It felt like admitting defeat, like I was giving up on my brain ever functioning properly. But it’s been three months, and I haven’t had to make up a single excuse for IT support.
Before and after adopting a password manager. Notice the reduction in eye twitching and increase in living plants.
The transition wasn’t easy. I had to round up all my accounts like herding digital cats. Some passwords were so old and forgotten that I had to go through the whole “prove you’re human” dance all over again. But once everything was in there? Game changer.
The face of someone watching a password manager auto-fill credentials for the first time.
Ready to Break the Cycle?
If you’re tired of the password reset dance and want to join me in the land of the slightly-more-functional, maybe it’s time to try a password manager. They remember your passwords so your brain doesn’t have to!
Warning to Fellow Password Forgetters: If you decide to use a password manager, please, for the love of all things digital, do not forget your master password. Write it down, tattoo it backwards on your forehead so you can read it in the mirror—whatever it takes. That’s the one password you absolutely cannot forget.
Embracing Your Identity as a Serial Password Forgetter
Being a serial password forgetter isn’t just a quirk—it’s part of your digital identity. In a world obsessed with security, we’re the chaos agents keeping IT departments employed and password reset systems well-exercised. We’re not forgetful; we’re job creators.
The first rule of Serial Password Forgetters Club is… wait, what was it again?
So the next time you’re staring at a login screen, mind completely blank, remember: you’re not alone. There’s a whole community of us out there, clicking “Forgot Password?” in solidarity. We may not remember our security questions, but we remember each other.
Join My Support Group
We’ll Remember You… Eventually! Connect with fellow serial password forgetters and share your most creative excuses, coping strategies, and password reset horror stories.
The graveyard of my forgotten passwords. May they rest in peace… until I try to resurrect them in desperation at 2 AM.